Affairs are loaded with romanticism,
morality, mythology, and intense emotions. They're not really
about sex, but about pain and fear and the desire to feel alive.
They're also about betrayal.
When you accuse a partner of
wrongdoing, partners will typically get defensive, offer an
(insincere) apology designed to stop your attack, and hide and
conceal similar behavior in the future
The long term outcome of directly
confronting a partner is increased distance, less understanding
and greater dissatisfaction, no true resolution, and increased
A more effective approach involves
focusing on one’s feelings, not a partner’s behavior.
The best way to resolve relationship
problems involves focusing on one’s feelings, rather than
blaming a partner for what happened (even if, your partner
It is easier for a partner or spouse
to hear what you have to say when you focus on your own feelings
and not dwell on his or her mistakes.
trying to discuss a problem - it's important not to assign
blame. When both parties are willing to come to therapy,
marriages can be saved.